Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
