We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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