you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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