he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
