Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
