i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My bed smells like the plague
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