Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
