Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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