butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
