he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
