She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Come share oat with me in your robe
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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