There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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