Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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