it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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