Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
