Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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