I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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