I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
