someone threw a dead crab at me
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
