Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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