I hate your face
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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