Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
