You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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