the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
