It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
