Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
