i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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