I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
