ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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