it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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