yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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