Don't you send me to vm
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
