My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
