Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
