What a fucking waste of an outfit
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize