Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
