Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
