If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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