I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
