this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
