woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
