i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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