So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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