Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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