I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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