She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize