I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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