Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
