He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
