i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
