And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
