You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
