She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
