seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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