Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
