If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
