Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
