wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
