Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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