I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
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