I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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