i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
