Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
