I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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