Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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