Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
