no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i think i just naturally attract stoners
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
