im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
