i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
