dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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