So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
