I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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