I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
