Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
