Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
