I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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