I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
