Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
bring money and cleavage
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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