i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
