Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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