Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize