her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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