i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
