The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
