I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Everyone says I win the strip club
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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