I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
