I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
