did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Is it because I queefed?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
