I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
