how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sext me about skeletons
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize