It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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